Choose: Pledge Allegiance or Go Cry in the Corner

Welcome to Deadspin’s The Sports Nihilist, where all is for naught, and we are but accidental jolts of electrified meat stuck to the surface of a rock in an indifferent universe. This week was yet another reminder that the NFL can do no wrong. It’s exempt from scandal, mismanagement, negligence, and any sort of behavior that would sink 99 percent of companies. Yet even if Joe Biden gets reelected, and we’re subjected to another four years of “empathetic” gender politics, it won’t be enough to scuff the Shield. If we all could be so lucky to operate with the malevolence of Roger Goodell. Controversy sells, and the league’s memo to teams about “clearly” reporting as eligible was a ploy to spark another round of yelling on ESPN. The NFL is the ultimate machine. It never breaks down, only grows, is always profitable, and its supporters will overlook any and all reasons not to love it. You know what that sounds like to me? America. Ipso facto, if you don’t love the NFL, you don’t love America. So pledge allegiance, or shut the f*ck up.